How many times have you not done something just because you were afraid of criticism? How often does the opinion of others decide whether you accept something?
An internal critic
The first thing we need to do to deal with criticism from other people is to tame our internal critic. Only when we reconcile ourselves will we be able to listen to the comments of others without unnecessary emotions. We all have flaws, no exceptions. If we asked everyone on Earth whether they could change their appearance or would like to do so, most of the answers would be yes. We have a great ability to discover defects, imperfections, especially since the canons of immaculate beauty were created. Some people are ashamed of the size of their nose, some by their roots and others by their poor linguistic abilities. How beautiful we are with our weaknesses! How they complement us to become more whole!
Striving to “be more” is a beautiful feature, as is the desire to change and become a better version of yourself. If our internal critic allows us to change, we will make it faster with a clear mind and without pressure. Self-awareness can lead us to self-acceptance. There’s a huge difference between aimlessly criticizing yourself and telling yourself – well, I have drawbacks x, y, z. I know that, but I want to change it. Self-sabotage can make us like kamikaze pilots at the controls of our lives.
Think about what criticisms you are afraid of the most. Write them down. Imagine someone exposing them in public. These words are also heard by your loved ones and people whose opinions you care about the most. What will happen if these words are spoken? What would change in your life then?
Is it not so that we are afraid of criticism, because the image of ourselves that we have created in our mind can burst like a soap bubble? Or maybe criticism means that we have to face the truth?
In our image and likeness
Another important point in criticism is the fact that we criticize ourselves. The more often, the more it can affect us. Why do we judge? Why is there so much hate in us?
We are unhappy and unfulfilled. We are looking for love, acceptance and calling. The successes and successful lives of others mean that we are becoming even more aware of how inadequate we are, and yet my neighbour may not be alright if I’m not! There must be justice. Right is always on my side. Aggression grows in us and we look for ventilation, which we often find through criticizing others. It is unbelievable! How can we do that? We do it differently, so their approach must be wrong. Did you see how she dressed? or how he was posing? There are many examples. The internet is flooded with hate, which is verbal violence. Maybe at least one person after reading this article will reconsider pressing the “publish” button with offensive content.
When we free ourselves from the need to criticize everything that is different, we’ll see how interesting another person can be. Thanks to the differences, we complement each other and the world becomes more interesting. Talk to someone who has different views from yours. Try to get into his head and understand him. This does not mean that you have to change your views and beliefs. It doesn’t mean that you have to accept them. Just listen, with love and respect and try to find a mutual understanding between both sides. Show others that you can be flexible and they will imitate you and behave in the same way.
Look for people around you who are doing well. Talk to them, observe, compare and try to imitate their good practices in your life. The path to happiness leads precisely through change, and from whom better to learn from than those who have succeeded? Next time, try to bring joy to the success of others. Congratulate your competitor, admire a neighbour who has a happy family. You can do it too.
Hello. Welcome to my blog. I work as a public speaking trainer, mentor and head os speakers for TEDx Warsaw and I am certified coach at PCC level. I also help, among others, lawyers, vocalists, actors, lecturers and business people in preparation for their speeches in front of hundreds of people in the audience, as well as in conducting small meetings or presentations.
My professional path has led me through many years of music education, but also SGH and psychological studies. As the only Polish woman I performed in the Cuban musical “Conoce mi Cuba”. For many years I worked on controlling the stage fright that kept me awake at night. I have always wondered how to manage the internal critic, not to worry about the opinion of others, and how to build a real sense of confidence on stage. Now I know the answer. Recently, I have given countless interviews, which made me aware of the importance of confidence in front of the camera.